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Co-Parenting rules: How to Co-Parent Successfully With Your Ex After The Divorce

The Co-Parenting rules are rules you must follow in other to maintain a cordial relationship between your child(ren) and your ex after divorce. Co-parenting after a split is rarely easy, especially if you have a contentious relationship with your ex-partner. You may feel concerned about your ex’s parenting abilities, stressed out about child support or other financial issues, feel worn down by conflict, or think you’ll never be able to overcome all the resentments in your relationship. But co-parenting amicably with your ex can give your children the stability, security, and close relationships with both parents that they need. For the sake of your kids’ well-being, it is possible for you to overcome co-parenting challenges and develop a cordial working relationship with your ex. With these tips, you can remain calm, stay consistent, and resolve conflicts to make joint custody work and enable your kids to thrive. READ:Download Free E-book: Why men leave women they love

The most unfortunate side of divorce is those who never got a choice in the matter: the children. No one gets married with the idea in mind that eventually this will end, but sadly, it becomes inevitable. For many couples, the follow up to a decision to divorce are the tough conversations that must be had with the children who have no idea that their lives are about to become interrupted and upended. So, having to tell them that we would be splitting up and seeing the look on their faces is what made us put our own feelings aside to get to work on focusing on making sure they would remain priority one at all times.

Co-Parenting rules

Co-Parenting rules

Sticking with the Co-Parenting rules 

The key to successful co-parenting is to separate the personal relationship with your ex from the co-parenting relationship. It may be helpful to start thinking of your relationship with your ex as a completely new one—one that is entirely about the well-being of your children, and not about either of you. Your marriage may be over, but your family is not; acting in your kids’ best interest is your most important priority. The first step to being a mature, responsible co-parent is to always put your children’s needs ahead of your own and also one of the co-parenting aspects that often gets overlooked is being a co-mother or co-father to your current spouse’s children with their ex.

READ : 10 tips on Getting Over a Breakup or Divorce When Your Partner Left You for Another

if you abide with these Co-Parenting rules, you will be able to Co-Parent Successfully With Your Ex After The Divorce.

  1. Commit to making co-parenting an open dialogue with your Ex. Arrange to do this through email, texting, voicemail, letters or face to face conversation. There are even websites where you can upload schedules, share information and communicate so you and your Ex don’t have to directly touch base.
  2. Co-parenting is not easy at all. But, the best way to co-parent successfully is by way of reaching a mutual understanding through your shared love for your children. The love for our children is what is often gets forgotten in blended family situations. This is because the adults involved are often more concerned with protecting their egos than they are the family unit.
  3. The goal is for children to grow and thrive. The only way this can be done is by way of building a solid foundation where love remains at the center.
  4.  Each of you has valuable strengths as a parent. Remember to recognize the different traits you and your Ex have – and reinforce this awareness with your children. Speaking positively about your Ex teaches children that despite your differences, you can still appreciate positive things about your Ex. “Mommy’s really good at making you feel better when you’re sick. I know, I’m not as good as she is.” It also directs children to see the positive qualities in his or her parent too. “Daddy’s much better at organizing things than I am.”  
  5. Major decisions need to be made by both you and your ex. Being open, honest, and straightforward about important issues is crucial to both your relationship with your ex and your children’s well-being.

    Medical needs. Whether you decide to designate one parent to communicate primarily with health care professionals or attend medical appointments together, keep one another in the loop.

    Education. Be sure to let the school know about changes in your child’s living situation. Speak with your ex ahead of time about class schedules, extra-curricular activities, and parent-teacher conferences, and be polite to each other at school or sports events.

    Financial issues. The cost of maintaining two separate households can strain your attempts to be effective co-parents. Set a realistic budget and keep accurate records for shared expenses. Be gracious if your ex provides opportunities for your children that you cannot provide. READ: 25 Golden secrets to a successful and lasting marriage

  6. Kids need structure. Your children are being shuffled between two households, so consistency is key. Enforce the same rules regarding homework and chores. Help your children feel secure within the same predictable framework of boundaries and expectations. Similarly, try to keep to the same schedules and routines, such as mealtimes, bath, and story before bedtime.

    You and your ex-partner may disagree on some of these rules, but remember that your children’s equanimity is at stake. Keeping schedules the same will go a long way to creating a stable home environment, no matter which parent they’re with.

  7. Don’t be tempted to use your child as a go-between to carry messages to your ex. It’s imperative to shield them from the drama of your separation as much as possible. Speak to your ex directly and prove to your children that you can still present a united front, even though your lives have diverged.
  8. Never, ever trash-talk your ex or your ex’s new partner in front of your child, tempting as this may occasionally be. You’re only creating a situation of confusion and conflict and setting up your child for distress. Always speak respectfully and positively about your ex in your child’s hearing, and make it clear that you expect the same from your child.  READ : How to get your ex back – the definitive guide

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