expectations in a relationship.
In This modern world, Every person has some expectations in a relationship
Have you stayed near a broken guy or lady? Oh, I bet you must have experienced such. you may hear things like
“’oh after everything I did for him/ her, I got this as a payback”.
“I expect him to remain faithful to me since we agreed”.
“I expect him not to lie to me over this!” e.t.c.
Am I right?
In my personal life, there was a time when I attracted relationships that were not what I truly wanted, you know why it failed? it’s because of unreasonable expectations in a relationship which I possessed.
The funny part of my personal life is I failed to draw a line between a reasonable expectation and unreasonable expectation (*giggle).
Some reasonable expectation then includes :
- Expectations on how I want to be loved.
- Expectations on how frequently you will communicate with me.
- Expectations on what will be happening in the bedroom.
Truly, the potential number of expectations is endless.( laughs, I bet you will want to know more )
These above are my reasonable expectations when it comes to my relationship and the unreasonable expectations when it comes to my relationships includes:
- “If they really loved me they would know what I needed.”
- “I should love my partner unconditionally.”
“For example, if I expect you to love me a certain way and your love don’t show up that way for me, I will most likely be disappointed. A better way might be to strive to get the need of being loved fulfilled by allowing your love partner to love you the way they love you. Your need to be loved a certain way is not a healthy need, it is only and always an unrealistic expectation.”
“Actually, I feel I shouldn’t be talking about this since you know where am heading to. Hope you are cool with it honey?”
The most annoying thing about Expectations in Relationships is that they often do not come true. It’s possible that One love partner knows the expectation. The other love partner doesn’t know the expectation of the other. Expectations are in the eye of the beholder. Can you see the problem? Are you really getting my point? Expectations really hurt relationship we so much cherish out of our own ignorance!
The Truth About Expectations in Relationships is that Needs must be communicated. Expectations are rarely ever communicated. Needs can be cussed and discussed. You must give careful thought to what needs must be fulfilled for you to know you have a healthy love relationship.
“Expect the best,” is certainly a better attitude than the alternative. Some say, “If you always expect the best for your relationship, everything will work out better.” This is a myth. It will work out the way it works out and you will be disappointed because it didn’t work out the way you expected it to. You don’t always get what you expect
We often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they are not our choices, we often get angry or disappointed. . . or both. Most people call this situation a problem: a problem we create by our expectations.
Try this: “No expectations, fewer disappointments!” It’s that simple. Not easy. Simple.
The number one problem in relationships is undelivered communication. It’s the things we don’t communicate because the last time we did, it caused a confrontation, argument, anger, frustration and we want to avoid these feelings so we stuff them. The next thing you know is, your partner didn’t take out the garbage and you want a divorce and it’s not about the garbage.
In my opinion, the number two problem in relationships revolves around unfulfilled expectations.
So, how do you sidestep the disappointment that always comes from unfulfilled expectations? Who wins the “expectations versus needs” dilemma? Needs, of course! You focus on your needs and make a commitment to never have any undelivered communication about them. Talk about what you need with your partner. Express your needs with love.
Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems.
We often call things that happen that cause disappointment, problems. To avoid disappointment or problems. . . as best you can, have no expectations, good or bad. When you have expectations there are never any surprises because the outcome is almost always predictable.
Disappointment follows unfulfilled expectations. The predicaments that follow are predictable. If your relationship is not full of surprises, it is most likely very boring and may border on being unhealthy. Having healthy needs is a natural and creative attitude to embrace.
It is important to allow your love partner the freedom to fulfill your needs in their own best way.
What you can be within life lets you be!
When you know what you need from your relationship and can express those needs to your partner and be okay with allowing them to love you the way they can love you, you will see a shift in your relationship that goes far beyond what you ever could have imagined! Goodluck dearie!!!