Dealing with a relationship breakup or divorce is one of life’s hardest struggles. Why do some people move on quickly while others hold onto every cherished moment regarding their EX? A lot of this depends on how the breakup was handled and how long you were together.
The natural reaction after getting the news of an affair is to feel anger and rejection. A self-negotiation takes place about “why” it happened. Then the self-penetrating questions start, like:
• What about me wasn’t good enough for them?
• What do I tell the kids (if applicable)?
• Why would they choose another person when all they needed was here?
Your relationship ended for a reason which is difficult to process in the early stages. It does get easier I promise; but in the meantime, here are a few things that can help you to heal and eventually Getting Over a Breakup or Divorce When Your Partner Left You for Another
They can blame you for all you ever did wrong in the relationship and make you feel guilty, but in the end, it is their own behavior and problem they created. [Read: How To Date Successful Women And Not Feel Like Less Of a Man
It’s not the end of the world (even though it might feel that way).
Major breakups, like divorce or the end of an engagement, knock you down in just about every way imaginable.
Along with losing your relationship, you lose your lifestyle, the goal of raising your children in an intact family, and all the other dreams you had for the future. Each loss feels like another blow that takes you lower and lower into the depths of your broken heart.
Although you know there are plenty of people who have made it through and are moving on with their life after divorce just fine, you wonder what they knew about how to get over someone that you don’t.
So, what do we do when we are left to pick up the pieces? How can we move on and trust in ourselves again yet envision a life with another person after our trust has been violated?
Here are 10 tips on Getting Over a Breakup or Divorce When Your Partner Left You for Another
- Breakups hurt everyone involved just in different ways and at different times. You can easily know the truth of this by the amount of divorce information you find on the internet, the number of songs written about the end of relationships and the number of TV shows, movies and books about all kinds of breakups. Because this time is so difficult, be gentle with yourself. Showing yourself compassion as you work your way through the pain of your broken heart will help you get through it a whole lot more quickly than if you’re impatient with yourself.
- Realize the affair and the choice to make that choice is fully on the other person. Even with couples who are deeply in love, there is excitement or connection (whether false or not) in another. Allow them to live with the consequences. It is not your issue to contend with. Don’t make excuses for them. They broke the trust, not you.
- Take some time away from communicating with your Ex to really understand what went wrong, what you learned & how to improve upon yourself. There are ALWAYS two sides to a breakup. Knowing that you also played a part in it will bring you “closure” faster. Talking to them or constantly seeing them “in person” just makes it that much harder to get over them. READ: 6 simple ways to live in harmony with a partner who has anger issues
- Being compassionate with yourself does include allowing yourself to feel sad about all your losses, but it doesn’t mean that you should focus on what is no more. Giving excessive attention to what you’ve lost only serves to keep you stuck in your heartbreak.
- Now you have choices of your own. You can decide how to live a brighter full life without them. The length of time you carry this as your own burden is something you can decide. You can decide where to spend your time, what goals you want to pursue, and who you would like to spend your time with.
- It’s so easy to feel like a victim when someone breaks up with you. Yet that’s the worst thing you can do. (Even I struggled a lot with victim mentality when I got divorced.)When you view yourself as a victim, you deny yourself the strength and power you have and need to get over your heartbreak.
Change your story and take responsibility for what you did (or didn’t do) that contributed to the end of your relationship.
- Trust yourself enough to not immediately go out and seek revenge by sleeping with someone else. Take time to sort your thoughts. Take time to breathe and allow stress to escape. Realize you came into the relationship with great qualities and will leave with the same.
- It’s often your ex who’s poisonous, but there are plenty of others who can be toxic too.
Learning how to step away from their drama (and hatred) is one of the most important ways you can move beyond your divorce or heal from a breakup. READ :3 Easy Ways to Bring Out The Best in Your Man
- The better you become at recognizing what’s going on with your emotions and why you feel like you do, the more quickly you’ll be able to calm down the emotional rollercoaster ride you’ve been on.
And the better you become at understanding the emotions of others, the easier time you’ll have to avoid their triggers.
- One of the toughest parts of divorce recovery is forgiving both your ex and yourself for everything that contributed to the end of your marriage. The stumbling block that most people hit is equating forgiveness with either forgetting or approving of what happened.
That’s not what true forgiveness is. True forgiveness is all about you releasing the past so it doesn’t control you anymore.
You need to remember what happened so you can learn from it and make better choices in the future.